Pls kindly read patiently and advice me if I am wrong and also what to do if my spouse is the problem. Thanks.
I got married as the first child out of two and my family (mother) really supported me financially. At this time, I didnt have any salary job neither do I have any contracts running as I do pest control and landscaping services and other small legal hustles. I met my wife who is a civil servant and we fell inlove and I never hid my financial or employment status from her. Shortly before my wedding (I was also job hunting for a better job) I got an interview in a top oil and gas firm in the country by insider recommendation, and being the only one invited I felt I've gotten it. My fiancé started telling her sibs that I'm already a staff which I frowned at because I've not received any appointment letter. This she was doing in "faith" anyway. Subsequently, I was never called for that job again and by this time we were already married. Prior to this time, I got a slightly less than 50k job in a bank and after a few months my fiancé pressed me to resign athough that job was stressful and in another state where I neither had family nor friends.
We got married then the issues began.
I noticed my wife is the type of woman thats slow (I'll not use the word lazy). She cant keep up with my pace when we walk, she can't clean the house daily, she'll prefer I do the house chores while she watches tv and all. We were in honey moon so I didn't have a problem with that, and more over I enjoy such chores and I am a good cook. By this time her salary was dropping and we were living on it coupled with whatever income that comes from me from my business (my wife isn't stingy with her funds and neither am I).
Our problems started when she became pregnant just a months after wedding. She became super slow due to the preggy and I had to do like every every due to the initial sickness and all. Also, I noticed my wife doesn't know how to talk to people. She isnt rude or insolent but she can argue blindly and just keeps talking. She talks too much and doesn't know how to ignore things. She will say she likes speaking her mind, even though I adviced her that she will have lots of enemies by that lifestyle.
My parents live in the same town with me but hers are in the village. If things gets a bit rough I do visit the family shop and pick things on credit and pay later. This happens only when I'm low on budget.
After our honey moon, my wife refused to go back to work (her station is in another state) although she has been complaining that she doesn't like the job (her father helped secure it). Since she couldnt travel she kept calling the offixe and they were still paying her, only for some of her seniors whom she isn't in good terms with write against her and her salary stopped coming in. By this time I had to up my game and started husting harder. God another low paying job which didn't last and I continued with my biz. I lost the job because of lateness due to taking care of a pregnant wife and so on. In fact I lost 2 other jobs of same nature and wasn't bothered because they pay was very poor anyway.
When my wife put to birth, my mother (as hers is late) asked her to stay at our family house for a week,so she can look after her because I was still working at this time and my mother's business and other engagements is just around the house, my wife refused. Infact its not the refusal that touched me but the attitude she put up. Shortly after then I needed to relocate to a new aprtment and asked her to go over to the family house with the baby so I can move things which she did and the outcome of that visit was a heated quarrel with my mother. She accused her of telling my church members not to visit her after childbirth (my house is very far from the church) and even though it was a lie and I told her to shut up she kept on talking so many trash.
At home I cant talk to my wife and she keeps quiet. The will tell me to shut up to my face and one one occasion I landed her a small slap which left an eye bloodshot and this ended the shutup episode. Often times, if I talk she will raise her voice.
Four months after my wedding her father called me sounding angry and asking me why my wife is still with me, why she hadn't gone back to the state where she works, I overlooked. Some months back late last year, he repeated the same thing and even dropped the phone on me and just a week ago it happened again. My wife have refused to go back to work saying she will rather start a particular type of biz (which I'm trying to setup for her) but her family is talking behind my back all manner of absurd things.
My wife and I have been having our own bouts due to her attitude. I don't talk to neighbours again as she confided in one and laid bare exclusive family secrets and they had a quarrel and in front of my landlord, my neighbour spilled the beans and I felt so ashamed. My wife's salary has been stopped for over a year now and I have been solely the bread winner. I even got a car recently and uses it for transport to support other income.
My wife can nag about everything, she can wake me by 3am over petty things so I stopped sleeping in our bedroom and now sleeps in the guest room. If she's angry she'll not wash plates I eat with. This is someone I always wash her clothes and my with the machine since I married her. But she can hardly do same. If she cleans the house its favour and she'll keep murmuring. If we have an argument she'll start shouting, abusing my whole family and stuff.
This morning we had a quarrel and my wife told me I cant even take care of my family to provide for her, talking how she's leaving (she always tells me she'll leave and I've made it clear I'll gladly wait for that day).
I have been thinking about everything myself, since I married things have not really improved. Maybe I really made a wrong choice or rushed things (as I now believe), so I am planning on sending her away soon and them take me dad and kinsmen to her father (as is the culture in my place) for him to either caution his daughter or take her back because I might really injure her out of anger one day.
This is my last effort to save this marriage . I have only slapped her once in 2 yrs.
I feel I should seek matured advice from experienced people here as I know I might be right in my own eyes.
I really don't know what else to do.
I got married as the first child out of two and my family (mother) really supported me financially. At this time, I didnt have any salary job neither do I have any contracts running as I do pest control and landscaping services and other small legal hustles. I met my wife who is a civil servant and we fell inlove and I never hid my financial or employment status from her. Shortly before my wedding (I was also job hunting for a better job) I got an interview in a top oil and gas firm in the country by insider recommendation, and being the only one invited I felt I've gotten it. My fiancé started telling her sibs that I'm already a staff which I frowned at because I've not received any appointment letter. This she was doing in "faith" anyway. Subsequently, I was never called for that job again and by this time we were already married. Prior to this time, I got a slightly less than 50k job in a bank and after a few months my fiancé pressed me to resign athough that job was stressful and in another state where I neither had family nor friends.
We got married then the issues began.
I noticed my wife is the type of woman thats slow (I'll not use the word lazy). She cant keep up with my pace when we walk, she can't clean the house daily, she'll prefer I do the house chores while she watches tv and all. We were in honey moon so I didn't have a problem with that, and more over I enjoy such chores and I am a good cook. By this time her salary was dropping and we were living on it coupled with whatever income that comes from me from my business (my wife isn't stingy with her funds and neither am I).
Our problems started when she became pregnant just a months after wedding. She became super slow due to the preggy and I had to do like every every due to the initial sickness and all. Also, I noticed my wife doesn't know how to talk to people. She isnt rude or insolent but she can argue blindly and just keeps talking. She talks too much and doesn't know how to ignore things. She will say she likes speaking her mind, even though I adviced her that she will have lots of enemies by that lifestyle.
My parents live in the same town with me but hers are in the village. If things gets a bit rough I do visit the family shop and pick things on credit and pay later. This happens only when I'm low on budget.
After our honey moon, my wife refused to go back to work (her station is in another state) although she has been complaining that she doesn't like the job (her father helped secure it). Since she couldnt travel she kept calling the offixe and they were still paying her, only for some of her seniors whom she isn't in good terms with write against her and her salary stopped coming in. By this time I had to up my game and started husting harder. God another low paying job which didn't last and I continued with my biz. I lost the job because of lateness due to taking care of a pregnant wife and so on. In fact I lost 2 other jobs of same nature and wasn't bothered because they pay was very poor anyway.
When my wife put to birth, my mother (as hers is late) asked her to stay at our family house for a week,so she can look after her because I was still working at this time and my mother's business and other engagements is just around the house, my wife refused. Infact its not the refusal that touched me but the attitude she put up. Shortly after then I needed to relocate to a new aprtment and asked her to go over to the family house with the baby so I can move things which she did and the outcome of that visit was a heated quarrel with my mother. She accused her of telling my church members not to visit her after childbirth (my house is very far from the church) and even though it was a lie and I told her to shut up she kept on talking so many trash.
At home I cant talk to my wife and she keeps quiet. The will tell me to shut up to my face and one one occasion I landed her a small slap which left an eye bloodshot and this ended the shutup episode. Often times, if I talk she will raise her voice.
Four months after my wedding her father called me sounding angry and asking me why my wife is still with me, why she hadn't gone back to the state where she works, I overlooked. Some months back late last year, he repeated the same thing and even dropped the phone on me and just a week ago it happened again. My wife have refused to go back to work saying she will rather start a particular type of biz (which I'm trying to setup for her) but her family is talking behind my back all manner of absurd things.
My wife and I have been having our own bouts due to her attitude. I don't talk to neighbours again as she confided in one and laid bare exclusive family secrets and they had a quarrel and in front of my landlord, my neighbour spilled the beans and I felt so ashamed. My wife's salary has been stopped for over a year now and I have been solely the bread winner. I even got a car recently and uses it for transport to support other income.
My wife can nag about everything, she can wake me by 3am over petty things so I stopped sleeping in our bedroom and now sleeps in the guest room. If she's angry she'll not wash plates I eat with. This is someone I always wash her clothes and my with the machine since I married her. But she can hardly do same. If she cleans the house its favour and she'll keep murmuring. If we have an argument she'll start shouting, abusing my whole family and stuff.
This morning we had a quarrel and my wife told me I cant even take care of my family to provide for her, talking how she's leaving (she always tells me she'll leave and I've made it clear I'll gladly wait for that day).
I have been thinking about everything myself, since I married things have not really improved. Maybe I really made a wrong choice or rushed things (as I now believe), so I am planning on sending her away soon and them take me dad and kinsmen to her father (as is the culture in my place) for him to either caution his daughter or take her back because I might really injure her out of anger one day.
This is my last effort to save this marriage . I have only slapped her once in 2 yrs.
I feel I should seek matured advice from experienced people here as I know I might be right in my own eyes.
I really don't know what else to do.
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