What a married woman says about her marriage
is most of the time the opposite of the truth and
reality of what her life is. Her mother brought her
up on the ‘marriage is forever’ creed. Her pastor
said ‘marriage is till death do you part’. The
society insists that all divorced women are loose
and lousy. What does she do between the devil
and the deep blue sea? She tells everybody what
they want to hear. Well, check some of these out
and see if they are familiar.
*.1. If I come back into this world again, I’ll
marry my husband over and again.
The truth: Is my husband coming back to this
world again? Aaarggh. God will have to choose
between creating him and me. If that goat is
coming back to the world, then I am definitely
not coming. That way there is no likelihood of us
ever meeting even for dinner, least of all
marriage. I have had enough of him to last ten
lifetimes. I know God is not wicked, so He won’t
allow me to marry this man again.
*.2. My husband has never raised his hands
against me. I don’t understand women who stay
with men who physically abuse them. It is so
crazy.
The truth: Of course, it is crazy and I’m no
longer sureof my own sanity. Or why else am I
still here? He has removed two of my teeth and I
had been hospitalised with cracked ribs before.
His eyes light up when he’s beating me, so I
think he’s crazy too. Maybe we are both lunatics
but trust me, nobody understands wife battery
like I do. I guess we’ll soon form an association,
League of Battered Women, and I’d be the
founding Country Director. It’s not funny.
. *.3. My husband is the perfect gentleman. He is
so wonderful, all any woman would want in a
man.
The truth: Perfect gentleman, my foot. He
belches loudly, talks with his mouth full and
doesn’t know what you use a dessert spoon for it
is different from what you use a teaspoon for. If
he’s not picking his nose in public, he’s eating
his nails. He’s forever embarrassing me in public.
What’s worse, the only topic he can discuss
intelligently is football. He can’t name 10
governors in Nigeria but he can tell you the
names of the goalkeepers in the Premiership. He
forgets my birthday, comes home late on our
wedding anniversary and has locked my father
out of our home before. He runs me down in
front of my friends and pinches their buttocks
when he thinks I’m not looking.
. *.4. No woman can snatch my husband.
The truth: This one? He was snatched a long
time ago. I have given up on him and accepted
my fate. He has two children outside from two
different women and weare still expecting more.
He is the original he-goat. If you put a skirt on
an electric pole, he’ll wink at the pole. He’s
insatiable. My only worry is for my life. A man
who has children outside his marriage is a non-
condom-wearing dog. And that makes me a
candidate for HIV and its little brothers.
. *.5. If not for my children, I would have left
him.
The truth: Leave him and go where? Who will
take care of me like he does? Leave him and
forfeit my good life- summer and winter holidays
wherever I want, contacts that being married to
him gives me and the good sex? Not on your life!
Sure, sometimes I feel like killing him but I’m not
leaving him. In fact, he’d have to die to get rid of
me. The advantages far outweigh the down side
and never mind the children angle, if I really
want to go I can take them, can’t I? I’m simply
not going anywhere, not now, not soon, not ever.
*.6. He is the pillar of support for my career.
The truth: What pillar? That man is permanently
holding diggers and cutlasses to cutdown my
career and uproot everything good the whole
world can see I have achieved. If you know what
I have had to stomach to remain a ‘Mrs’, you will
pity me. This man has come to my office several
times to harass my colleagues, accuse my boss
of sleeping with me. He once came into a
restaurant where we were having a breakfast
meeting to make trouble thinking that I was
meeting a lover. He stormed in and found eight
of us at the table. This ‘pillar’ of my life regularly
locks me out of the house if I return home later
than he wants. Right now we are in the middle
of a major ‘boko haram’ because I want to
goabroad to round off a PhD programme and he
has said if I go, it would be the end ofthe
marriage. He is asking me what I need a PhD for
if not to be addressed a Dr when he is still a Mr.
You should not believe everything you see
because some of these things are photo tricks.
*.7. He is a great provider. He makes sure I
don’t lack anything.
The truth: I pay the rent and the children’s
schoolfees. I am the one who makes sure he
doesn’t lack anything but it is such a shame and
I cannot tell anybody. This human being is lazy
but he loves the goodlife. I am sticking it
because if I leave today, everybody will declare
me guilty, arrogant and a deserter. I wish things
were different but I have to sustain this lie.
. *.8. He is a stud and he wears me out in bed
all the time. In fact, I’m tired.
The truth: Stud ko, stud ni. I’m lucky if he
touches me once in a month. All he thinks about
are his containers and consignment. He has
consigned me to the dustbin of celibacy. I am so
hungry for the ‘thing’ now I’m eyeing Audu, the
maiguard. Can you blame me?
Source: http://www.lailasblog.com/2014/12/
public-lies-married-women-tell.html?m=1
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