30 Reasons You Should Never
Date A Musician
They’re artistes , and the only things
more unstable than their moods are
their career prospects. Next time you
consider going out to dinner with that
quirky-cute ukulele chick down the hall
or your friend’s friend who plays guitar
in a band that once opened for the Shins,
make sure you read and memorize this
list.
1. THEY’RE CRAZY.
2. THEY’RE BROKE.
3. THEY KEEP REALLY WEIRD
HOURS.
3
4. FUNNY CLOTHES AND
HAIRCUTS.
4
5. IF THEY’RE ANY GOOD, LOTS
OF SUPER ATTRACTIVE PEOPLE
WILL TO TRY TO STEAL THEM
AWAY.
5
6. IF THEY’RE REALLY LOUSY,
YOU’RE STUCK WITH ‘EM, AND
YOU HAVE TO LISTEN TO THEIR
AWFUL SONGS OVER AND OVER
AGAIN.
6
7. THOSE SONGS ABOUT THEIR
EXES.
7
8. THOSE SONGS ABOUT THEIR
PSYCHO EXES.
tumblr_inline_mzl5c30bnE1rlrczb
9. THE SINKING SUSPICION
YOU’LL BECOME THE PSYCHO
EX IN THEIR NEXT SONG.
giphy (1)
10. AND EVEN IF NOT, THE
MOST INTIMATE DETAILS OF
YOUR PERSONAL LIFE ARE
SUDDENLY SONGWRITING
FODDER.
giphy (3)
11. BEHIND ALL THE BRAVADO,
THEY CAN BE PRETTY THIN-
SKINNED.
11
12. THEY’LL NEVER HOLD YOU
QUITE LIKE THEY HOLD THEIR
GUITARS.
13. DID WE MENTION THEY’RE
CRAZY?
14. BAND PRACTICE. ALWAYS,
ALWAYS, ALWAYS BAND
PRACTICE.
15. SHOWS. ALWAYS, ALWAYS,
ALWAYS SHOWS.
16. YOU’LL HAVE TO HANG OUT
WITH THE OTHER BAND
MEMBERS’ SIGNIFICANT
OTHERS.
17. HOW MANY SUCCESSFUL
MUSICIANS MARRIAGES CAN
YOU THINK OF?
18. AN AMPLIFIER IS NOT AN
ACCEPTABLE END TABLE.
19. YOUR PARENTS PROBABLY
WON’T APPROVE.
20. GIVEN THEIR LACK OF
DECENT HEALTH COVERAGE,
THEY’LL BE HACKING AND
SNEEZING ALL THE TIME.
21. THE SAME QUALITIES THAT
MAKE YOU AN INSIGHTFUL
LYRICIST OFTEN MAKE YOU AN
IFFY SHARER OF FEELINGS.
22. THE SAME QUALITIES THAT
MAKE YOU AN INSUFFERABLE
LYRICIST OFTEN MAKE YOU AN
IFFY SHARER OF FEELINGS.
23
23. THEY’LL TOTALLY JUDGE
YOU BASED ON YOUR TASTE IN
MUSIC.
200
24. THEY’LL TOTALLY JUDGE
YOU WHEN YOU SING IN THE
SHOWER.
25
25. IT MIGHT BE NICE TO HAVE
SOMEONE PROVIDE FOR YOU
WHEN YOU’RE OLD—OR AT
LEAST PAY FOR DINNER EVERY
ONCE IN A WHILE.
giphy (4)
26. IF THEY’RE SUCCESSFUL
ENOUGH TO TOUR, THEY’LL
PROBABLY CHEAT ON YOU.
27
27. GOT A CAR? IT’S NOW
PROPERTY OF THE CREW.
Ydzp8gB
28. THEY’RE WILLING TO
SUFFER HUNGER,
DISAPPOINTMENT, REJECTION,
AND ALL SORTS OF OTHER
INDIGNITIES IN PURSUIT OF
THEIR DREAM. TALK ABOUT
STUBBORNNESS!
200 (1)
29. MIXTAPES STOPPED BEING
LEGITIMATE CHRISTMAS AND
BIRTHDAY PRESENTS IN
MIDDLE SCHOOL.
giphy (6)
30. THEY’RE REALLY, REALLY
FREAKIN’ CRAZY.
Date A Musician
They’re artistes , and the only things
more unstable than their moods are
their career prospects. Next time you
consider going out to dinner with that
quirky-cute ukulele chick down the hall
or your friend’s friend who plays guitar
in a band that once opened for the Shins,
make sure you read and memorize this
list.
1. THEY’RE CRAZY.
2. THEY’RE BROKE.
3. THEY KEEP REALLY WEIRD
HOURS.
3
4. FUNNY CLOTHES AND
HAIRCUTS.
4
5. IF THEY’RE ANY GOOD, LOTS
OF SUPER ATTRACTIVE PEOPLE
WILL TO TRY TO STEAL THEM
AWAY.
5
6. IF THEY’RE REALLY LOUSY,
YOU’RE STUCK WITH ‘EM, AND
YOU HAVE TO LISTEN TO THEIR
AWFUL SONGS OVER AND OVER
AGAIN.
6
7. THOSE SONGS ABOUT THEIR
EXES.
7
8. THOSE SONGS ABOUT THEIR
PSYCHO EXES.
tumblr_inline_mzl5c30bnE1rlrczb
9. THE SINKING SUSPICION
YOU’LL BECOME THE PSYCHO
EX IN THEIR NEXT SONG.
giphy (1)
10. AND EVEN IF NOT, THE
MOST INTIMATE DETAILS OF
YOUR PERSONAL LIFE ARE
SUDDENLY SONGWRITING
FODDER.
giphy (3)
11. BEHIND ALL THE BRAVADO,
THEY CAN BE PRETTY THIN-
SKINNED.
11
12. THEY’LL NEVER HOLD YOU
QUITE LIKE THEY HOLD THEIR
GUITARS.
13. DID WE MENTION THEY’RE
CRAZY?
14. BAND PRACTICE. ALWAYS,
ALWAYS, ALWAYS BAND
PRACTICE.
15. SHOWS. ALWAYS, ALWAYS,
ALWAYS SHOWS.
16. YOU’LL HAVE TO HANG OUT
WITH THE OTHER BAND
MEMBERS’ SIGNIFICANT
OTHERS.
17. HOW MANY SUCCESSFUL
MUSICIANS MARRIAGES CAN
YOU THINK OF?
18. AN AMPLIFIER IS NOT AN
ACCEPTABLE END TABLE.
19. YOUR PARENTS PROBABLY
WON’T APPROVE.
20. GIVEN THEIR LACK OF
DECENT HEALTH COVERAGE,
THEY’LL BE HACKING AND
SNEEZING ALL THE TIME.
21. THE SAME QUALITIES THAT
MAKE YOU AN INSIGHTFUL
LYRICIST OFTEN MAKE YOU AN
IFFY SHARER OF FEELINGS.
22. THE SAME QUALITIES THAT
MAKE YOU AN INSUFFERABLE
LYRICIST OFTEN MAKE YOU AN
IFFY SHARER OF FEELINGS.
23
23. THEY’LL TOTALLY JUDGE
YOU BASED ON YOUR TASTE IN
MUSIC.
200
24. THEY’LL TOTALLY JUDGE
YOU WHEN YOU SING IN THE
SHOWER.
25
25. IT MIGHT BE NICE TO HAVE
SOMEONE PROVIDE FOR YOU
WHEN YOU’RE OLD—OR AT
LEAST PAY FOR DINNER EVERY
ONCE IN A WHILE.
giphy (4)
26. IF THEY’RE SUCCESSFUL
ENOUGH TO TOUR, THEY’LL
PROBABLY CHEAT ON YOU.
27
27. GOT A CAR? IT’S NOW
PROPERTY OF THE CREW.
Ydzp8gB
28. THEY’RE WILLING TO
SUFFER HUNGER,
DISAPPOINTMENT, REJECTION,
AND ALL SORTS OF OTHER
INDIGNITIES IN PURSUIT OF
THEIR DREAM. TALK ABOUT
STUBBORNNESS!
200 (1)
29. MIXTAPES STOPPED BEING
LEGITIMATE CHRISTMAS AND
BIRTHDAY PRESENTS IN
MIDDLE SCHOOL.
giphy (6)
30. THEY’RE REALLY, REALLY
FREAKIN’ CRAZY.